


how can i be scared, when I stretch and feel you there?

by thebeasknees



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Cuddles, Hard to explain, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Soft Jared Kleinman, but there's no actual assault, more like a tiny bit of hurt and just comfortcomfortcomfort, slight possible victim blaming, soft Connor Murphy, soft shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:13:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26278462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebeasknees/pseuds/thebeasknees
Summary: "...I'm scared." Connor whispers out, and he's on the cusps of sleep- he can hear it himself from the way his voice drifts off."Okay," Jared responds, "Me too."OR: Connor doesn't really think he deserves anything.
Relationships: Jared Kleinman/Connor Murphy
Kudos: 29





	how can i be scared, when I stretch and feel you there?

Connor has never liked mornings.

It's not that surprising, honestly, and it doesn't surprise anyone- he just looks like the type of person who would hate mornings. But he hates mornings because he feels so terribly cold everytime he wakes up- empty, and it feels heavy on his chest.

Waking up was, most of the time, a reminder. A reminder that he was still here, that there was not an out.

But when he wakes up this morning, there is warmth. It is strange and unfamiliar, and he doesn't really want it to go away, but it freaks him out. Someone was touching him and it wasn't pure aggression.

The room is also strange. It's a lot like a basement, almost? There's barely any light but a bit of a sparkle coming out a randomly placed window. As he shifts, it shines directly onto his face, and he groans.

This is creepy. Even if Jared is his boyfriend, they've never done this before, and he's pretty sure that Jared would never want to touch him like this. To even give him something like this- Connor was disgusting and Connor didn't deserve this.

He _didn't_ deserve it.

So, in the midsts of sleep, he attempts to get up. Even if the warmth is so good, even if going back to sleep would be the best option- he refuses to let himself have this.

"Con?" Jared's voice comes, and Jared is Very Strong, apparently, because he pulls Connor back by his waist and squeezes. "Whatcha doin'?"

What Connor is doing is trying to get out of his grasp before Jared realizes that he regrets it.

"I.. Why are you- The fuck are you doing?" Connor counters, trying to seem defensive. Even though it's weak, it still does something, because Jared quickly lets go of him and scatters away.

"Shit. Sorry." Jared says, and Connor whimpers, because why the fuck is he _apologizing, it should be the other fucking way around-_

"No, I didn't-"

Jared wraps his arms around himself protectively and looks so, so defensive of himself, all his walls up, and Connor just _had_ to ruin this, didn't he?

"No. I get it, Connor. You don't want to-"

No, Connor wants to, it's _just_ -

"I- I do! Fuck Jare, I'm just. I'm just not used to it, okay?"

Jared pauses. Makes a ' _come here_ ' motion with his hand.

Connor obliges.

"You know I would never hurt you." Jared says, and of course Connor knows that-

Well actually.

Not really. He doesn't really know, well, Jared would never do that, would he? But even if he did, it would probably be Connor in the wrong because-

"I.. Yeah?" Connor tries. It doesn't come out as sure as he'd like it to.

"And you know that I am absolutely head-over-fucking-heels for you, yeah?" Jared says, playfully, and Connor rolls his eyes in response.

"Yeah, whateve-"

"I know I'm not good at like. Feelings, or whatever, but I would. I. You're all my firsts. So. If I'm your first cuddle, then-"

Connor rolls his eyes again, more flushy this time. "You kinda are. In a way. I guess I just haven't- haven't felt something like? _This_ ," He makes a motions around his chest, "Like? Ever? Fuck I don't... I'm not un-comfy with it is what I'm sayingand- you know I'm not good with words Jared, fuck-"

He scoots closer to Connor and wraps his arms around him. Pulls him closer and shoves his head into his shoulder. "Okay. Okay."

Okay.

There are a few moments of silence. Just the beat of Jared's heart beat and his breathing and Jared's everything, everything around him and all he's feeling is just _JaredJaredJared_.

He pauses.

"...I'm scared." Connor whispers out, and he's on the cusps of sleep- he can hear it himself from the way his voice drifts off.

"Okay," Jared responds, "Me too."


End file.
